Film Review: “Sonic the Hedgehog” (2020)

“Look what came out of my egg sac!”
 

The spirit of Sonic the Hedgehog is that of a sugar-addled me in 199x who loves Jim Carrey and this movie caters right to that loud child with Genesis blisters who is drunk on pixy stix. So, it’s another recent genuine success story in the video game movie genre.

 

My VHS cover pull-quote: “Release the freaky-ass weird looking nightmare humanoid Sonic cut!!”

Film Review: “The Gentlemen” (2020)

“There’s fuckery afoot.”

It sometimes plays like a Guy Richie’s Greatest Hits album rather than a wholly original down-in-the-dirt British crime fable, but that’s not really a bad thing. Plus, Richie strings a bit of meta commentary to his entire catalog, which is fun. Truth be told, anything would feel like a creative rebirth after being stuck in the Disney live-action remake quagmire.

My VHS cover pull-quote: “Hugh Grant playing entirely against type is a bright spot, sure, but let’s not pretend Colin Farrell’s bold track suit isn’t the top reason to see this.”

Film Review: “The Turning” (2020)

“You stuffed your grandmother?”

Something of a C-movie spookfest that never really seems to know where it’s headed until it kind of just ends with a casual sort of “why not?” moment. Even so, the atmosphere is suitably haunting, the sets are exquisite, and the freaky kids are freaky.

My VHS cover pull-quote: “It’s set in 1994, which is important for no discernible reason other than Kurt Cobain died then? I don’t know, but more movies should be set in the 90s Grunge era. I hope it becomes more of a thing as we break away from the 1980s.”

Film Review: “Color Out of Space” (2019)

“A dream you dream alone is just a dream. A dream you dream together, now that’s reality.”

Nic Cage does what Nic Cage does best, surrounded by Lovecraft trappings, cosmic body horror, and alpacas.

My VHS cover pull-quote: “Forget National Treasure 3: Jefferson’s Ghost, I just want Nicolas Cage to do stuff like this and Mandy until he’s buried in his New Orleans pyramid.”

Film Review: “Spies in Disguise” (2019)

“This is a vile misuse of tax dollars.”

Spies-in-Disguise-1-650x1029

A bright, high energy spy comedy with a pretty well developed and tactful message of peace over violence that’s not afraid to get super weird with the constant antics (pigeon or otherwise).

My VHS cover pull-quote: “Unexpectedly, this might be the movie everyone should watch right now amidst all the doom, gloom, uncertainty and World War III memes.”

Film Review: “Little Women” (2019)

“I can’t believe childhood is over.”

An impressive adaptation that plays with the structure of the source material to draw the novel’s stark parallels between cold, distant adulthood and bright, sunlit childhood while also weaving a lovely meta thread through it all.

My VHS cover pull-quote: “I really like to think I’m a Jo, but I’m probably much more of a Meg and it’s time I admitted that to myself and my loved ones.”