Writer. Library person. First in the world to platinum Epic Mickey 2: The Power of Two on PS3.
“We’re in a franchise!”
Scream 6 is a meta slasher riff on the Fast & Furious franchise with a bleeding, Sydney-sized hole in its gut. But that leaves room for the core four to make their marks and assume their rightful places as the leads of the Screamiverse as it takes Manhattan. It takes place on Halloween, so there ARE spooky skeletons aplenty.
My VHS cover pull-quote: “Dermot Mulroney shines as a new silver fox Dewey.”
There are skeleton drawings in Knock at the Cabin, but not enough. Also, it’s an assured, tight-knit, cabin in the woods pilgrimage to expected Shyamalan-esque ideas about conviction, but the effective guiding hands of Dave Bautista and co. make it thrilling and effective. Loses stars because I would sacrifice myself immediately if Bautista asked.
My VHS cover pull-quote: “If Ron Weasley was right there with him? Come on, I’m doing exactly whatever they want in that situation. No questions asked. That’s too bizarre of a combo to NOT have the world be ending.”
“A shitty book, six years ago, that no one read”
A malevolent, analog nightmare that continues last year’s horror pattern of casting our gaze on the rich. Above all, though, it illustrates the importance of supporting small writers like the main character (and me) lest they end up in a wretched crucible of events orchestrated by a member of the Cronenberg clan.
Indeed, Alexander Skarsgard is a small writer with a “shitty book, six years ago, that no one read” playing wealthy with his wife’s money, and because of this, a synthwave mix of gore, sex and The White Lotus befalls him. Read the books of the local writers in your life. You will be saving us from such a fate.
Someone has a skull tattoo and someone else gets their head bashed in, so you can see their skull. No full skeletons.
My VHS cover pull-quote: “Or perhaps we deserve such a fate. Either way:
https://nickperilli.com/cul-de-sac/.”
“Why is mommy crying?”
A distant, unknowable lo-fi horror about the corners, angles, and childhood shadows of our homes. An effectively terrifying detour somewhere on the path from The Blair Witch Project to Paranormal Activity. An aesthetic in which something lurks in the fuzz.
There are no skeletons.
My VHS cover pull-quote: “Someone brought a child to the showing I was in, so I wasn’t sure when the child making noise and screaming was real or onscreen. It honestly added to the experience.”
“Well hold on, I thought we were having a conversation here.”
There are no human skeletons in M3GAN, but there are robot, Terminator-esque humanoid skeletons, which we can count. Also, it’s a fine, darkly comic rendition of Chucky mixed with AI gone horribly wrong in ways that would have been obvious to anyone but the characters in the movie, all told with the wonder of a screwed up child.
My VHS cover pull-quote: “The film does surprisingly little to set up the Battle Angel Alita vs Chucky vs M3GAN crossover film that we know is coming.
“Eat the whole thing. Bones and All.”
Hey that’s the name of the movie! A well journeyed road trip romance between two young people who just happen to need to eat human flesh. That added horror wrinkle enhances the proceedings considerably, as does the fascinating work done by all involved. Could it be a metaphor for drug use? Sure, but that cheapens the thing a bit. It cheapens Michael Stuhlbarg’s quick, uncomfortable turn as an overalls wearing cannibal creep! Instead, I’ll say it’s about desire in all ita forms.
My VHS cover pull-quote: “The central couple aren’t quite Hannibal and Will Graham, but the chemistry is almost there.”
There are enough bones and mention of bones in the movie to say that yes, there are skeletons in Bones and All.
“He’s a Libra moon, which says a lot!”
A fun, hyper modern Agatha Christie-esque murder mystery party in which the clever whodunit aspect is ancillary to the toxic relationships of the 20-something characters and the chiseled 40-something physique of Lee Pace.
My VHS cover pull-quote: “Pete Davidson represents my millennial generation here, finally bridging the gap between the Amandla Stenberg and Lee Pace generations.”
Skeleton count: 0
“We don’t deserve the impossible.”
An effective, inventive, sci-fi horror with satirical Hollywood elements that, above all, made me think about the natural universe and the grand morality of humanity’s relationship with its denizens, from the horse actors to primates to people, aliens and beyond.
My VHS cover pull-quote: “The characters probably make some of the most intelligent and genuine in-the-moment decisions in film history.”
“It doesn’t work. Not since I was a kid. Hang it up.”
The darkest rumors of our childhoods made manifest. A simple, engaging horror story crafted into a tight, capable film with, unsurprisingly, vibes of Sinister throughout. Set in a utopian 1970s in which the authorities actually believe children when they tell them about their prophetic dreams.
My VHS cover pull-quote: “I would still accept Ethan Hawke’s offer to show me a magic trick. No questions asked.”
Skeleton count: 0, but there are multiple ghost children which count as allusions to skeletons.
“We’ll need to start cutting faster.”
Surgery is the new sex in Cronenberg’s fleshy, analog future. Viggo Mortensen dresses as a ninja and Gollums his way through a noir setting while getting his organs removed for art. The true answer to our species’ waste problems are laid bare and autopsied.
My VHS cover pull-quote: “Cronenberg should have popped up during one of the jaw dropping surgery scenes and quoted John Wick, saying ‘People keep asking me if I’m back. Oh yeah, I’m thinking I’m back.'”
Nick Perilli