Film Review: “The Rental” (2020)

“I’m not saying we’re not going to get away with it, I’m saying I don’t want to get away with it.”

A matter-of-fact unraveling of multiple relationships that takes the long, chill road towards becoming the entry in a hallowed horror genre it ultimately wants to be.

My VHS cover pull-quote: “The main characters are like the high school kids who somehow all successfully escaped one horror movie, grew into their late 20s and 30s, then found themselves caught unawares in another horror movie.”

Film Review: “The Turning” (2020)

“You stuffed your grandmother?”

Something of a C-movie spookfest that never really seems to know where it’s headed until it kind of just ends with a casual sort of “why not?” moment. Even so, the atmosphere is suitably haunting, the sets are exquisite, and the freaky kids are freaky.

My VHS cover pull-quote: “It’s set in 1994, which is important for no discernible reason other than Kurt Cobain died then? I don’t know, but more movies should be set in the 90s Grunge era. I hope it becomes more of a thing as we break away from the 1980s.”

Film Review: “Color Out of Space” (2019)

“A dream you dream alone is just a dream. A dream you dream together, now that’s reality.”

Nic Cage does what Nic Cage does best, surrounded by Lovecraft trappings, cosmic body horror, and alpacas.

My VHS cover pull-quote: “Forget National Treasure 3: Jefferson’s Ghost, I just want Nicolas Cage to do stuff like this and Mandy until he’s buried in his New Orleans pyramid.”