“Having balls sucks.”
Makes the most of its genre-bendy premise and its R rating, featuring some lovely gory kills akin to the 80s slasher kills of yore where the whole point of watching was seeing creative deaths and dismemberments. Could have used even more kills during the middle, but the time spent on comedic body swap hijinks, bad Aaron Rogers Halloween masks, and developing the heart of the movie is well spent.
My VHS cover pull-quote: “Body swapping with a serial killer to learn an empowering lesson about yourself should be part of every highschool’s curriculum.”
“Quick librarian note, Ray: if someone comes in and asks to check out all the spooky books in the library, don’t come sneak up on them.”
A snappy gem of a horror comedy reckoning with the wolves among us, be they of the gruesome and classic “were-” variety or something much more ubiquitous and toxically close to home.
My VHS cover pull-quote: “I usually try to pull a quote from the movie that reflects, you know, the theme and mood of the piece, but lines about librarians make me feel seen. Anyway, this contains one of Robert Forster’s final performances and he is such a warm dry, and valuable presence.
“I’m not saying we’re not going to get away with it, I’m saying I don’t want to get away with it.”
A matter-of-fact unraveling of multiple relationships that takes the long, chill road towards becoming the entry in a hallowed horror genre it ultimately wants to be.
My VHS cover pull-quote: “The main characters are like the high school kids who somehow all successfully escaped one horror movie, grew into their late 20s and 30s, then found themselves caught unawares in another horror movie.”
“You stuffed your grandmother?”
Something of a C-movie spookfest that never really seems to know where it’s headed until it kind of just ends with a casual sort of “why not?” moment. Even so, the atmosphere is suitably haunting, the sets are exquisite, and the freaky kids are freaky.
My VHS cover pull-quote: “It’s set in 1994, which is important for no discernible reason other than Kurt Cobain died then? I don’t know, but more movies should be set in the 90s Grunge era. I hope it becomes more of a thing as we break away from the 1980s.”
“A dream you dream alone is just a dream. A dream you dream together, now that’s reality.”
Nic Cage does what Nic Cage does best, surrounded by Lovecraft trappings, cosmic body horror, and alpacas.
My VHS cover pull-quote: “Forget National Treasure 3: Jefferson’s Ghost, I just want Nicolas Cage to do stuff like this and Mandy until he’s buried in his New Orleans pyramid.”
“I fibbed a little about not killing you.”
A dark, punk comedy where each character is just so damn likable that you don’t mind any of the cracked and heinous shit they’re doing.
My VHS cover pull-quote: “I wouldn’t mind being murdered so much if the killers were polite and filled with folksy wisdom about relationships.”
“Hey, come back to Derry and get murdered.”
This is humongous, epic, ultimately triumphant horror fantasy that — while not terrifying — is whimsically gruesome and allowed to lean hard into the cocaine fueled turns of the source material.
My VHS cover pull-quote: “Can we talk about across-the-board perfect casting? Okay, this has it. It also has a swelling, bleeding, plucked from a chest heart that will make you believe in shit again.”
“What’s that smell?”
A feverish, unsettling nightmare that I can’t seem to wake up from so I’m going to bang my head against things.
My VHS cover pull-quote: “Still not awake. Now bleeding. Please help.”