Film Review: “My Friend Dahmer” (2017)

“I think we should form a Dahmer fan club.”

There is no sympathy here for (or glorification of) the cannibal serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer, but there is a bit spared for Jeff Dahmer, who was a weird high school kid in need of a best friend and some hefty psychiatric care. Ultimately, this is a tragicomic coming-of-age film that’s, at times, hilarious and harrowing in equal measure.

Jeffrey Dahmer tried really hard to not become Jeffrey Dahmer.

My VHS cover pull quote: “In the context of watching this movie, I was worried that my fashionable hipster glasses might be too Dahmeresque.”

Film Review: “Three Billboards Outside of Ebbing, Missouri” (2017)

“I had a day of hoping which is more than I’ve had in a while.”

Whereas Martin McDonagh’s previous two films, In Bruges and Seven Psychopaths, hid a heart beneath crackerjack dialogue and madcap goings-on, Three Billboards lays its bleeding, angry and wounded organs bare right from the start. It pulls comedy from the frayed ventricles, sure, but the comedy is always second to the pain.

My VHS cover pull quote: “Frances McDormand is so good in this I want to re-watch the HBO miniseries Olive Kitteridge where she was equally– if not more – – stellar. I mean definitely watch this now but check that one out too, bud.”

Film Review: Blade Runner 2049 (2017)

“I’ve never retired anything that was born before.”

A masterful sequel that solves some of the original’s mysteries while compounding a myriad of other ones and gives us sci-fi expressionism as hard as diamond. Like with Twin Peaks: The Return earlier this year, I somehow feel like this is a world from a bygone era the likes of which we may never be able to visit again. At least, not in the same way. In a film-making landscape with speculative films that are often so homogeneous, it’s as staggering to me as realizing I’m a replicant (but, like, in a good way) when a movie and a world that is so unquestionably its own in every aspect arrives. Well, returns.

My VHS cover pull-quote: “I watched this several moons ago and it still lingers in my thoughts. I dream of it during my counting of electric sheep.”

Film Review: “The Fate of the Furious” (2017)

“It’s about stopping World War III.”

I remember–in the Before Times–when these movies that have somehow been a constant in my life were about street racing.

My VHS cover pull quote: “New career plan: get a PhD in film studies. Write dissertation focusing on the trajectory of Universal’s Fast and the Furious franchise. Chart its course from hollow street race flicks, to halfway clever heist movies that almost have a theme and care enough about character and reverence to pull bro tears from bro sockets, to a straight up comic book superhero picture that just does whatever the fuck it wants. Get tenure. Bring in guest lecturer Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. Bring in guest lecturer Vin Diesel on the same day by ‘accident’ so we can get to the bottom of this on-set beef. Bring in Vince McMahon. Oh shit, bring in Stone Cold Steve Austin. Here comes The Undertaker out of retirement!”

Film Review: “Life” (2017)

“I belong up here.”

A somewhat nihilistic entry into the outer space horror/adventure/let’s-watch-some-people-die-horribly-or-survive film genre that feels like the natural evolution of both Alien and Gravity at once.

My VHS cover pull-quote: “Remarkable! LIFE will have you up on your feet saying ‘You guys really shouldn’t be messing around with that. Just knock it off.'”

Film Review: “The Edge of Seventeen” (2016)

“Maybe no one likes you.”

A whip-smart, crackerjack coming of age flick in the vein of Mean Girls and the spectacular The Spectacular Now that takes immortal clichés and makes them feel fresh with the power of writing and performance.

My VHS cover pull-quote: “The only misstep comes in the form of one character named Nick who, at first, is the object of the conflicted Nadine’s desire, but then turns out to be a handsy creep. This is yet another instance of the Hollywood Machine perpetuating the stereotype that all Nicks are straight-up dicks. Newsflash, Spielbergland: only 68% of males named Nicholas turn out to be raging dumpster fire dinguses. Those are the facts.”

Film Review: “Midnight Special” (2016)

“You have no idea what you’re dealing with.”

And with that line that has appeared in a myriad of other films like it, the ball begins to roll in Jeff Nichols’s straight sci-fi effort. In many ways, Midnight Special feels like Spielberg making Cameron’s The Abyss, and I can’t imagine anyone would (nor should) take that as a criticism. But Nichols has obviously taken many cues from directors before him here, even if his rural Americana vibe and affection present in Take Shelter and Mud (both “better” films) remains intact. Most everything works, though. The kid has an apt young-Culkin quality to him, the plot is indeed soulful, and the effects are just understated enough. Plus, the actors — Michael Shannon in particular (as always) — really help sell everything that’s happening.

My VHS cover quote: “Not since Star Wars VII has there been a science fiction film featuring Adam Driver.”

Film Review: “Wild” (2014)

“What if all those things I did were the things that led me here?”

A journey of self-discovery as successful as the memoir on which it’s based thanks to the hyper-focused, personal narrative and a grounded performance by Reese Witherspoon, who is completely game for everything from selling the laborious journey of self-discovery to making everyone cringe when she rips off her prop toenail.

My VHS cover pull-quote: “Simon and Garfunkel’s El Condor Pasa features as a sort of theme of the film, reflecting Cheryl’s journey and feelings throughout, which would very much be an intelligent observation I made if I hadn’t read it in an article before seeing the movie so that I could sound smart to you and all my friends. In short, I’m a fraud.”

Film Review – Top Five (2014)

“Tupac might be a political leader if he was alive, but then again, Tupac might be in a Tyler Perry movie right now. He might be the bad boyfriend in the Tyler Perry movie. I would hope he’s a senator, but he might be kicking Jill Scott down a flight of stairs.”

Captures the energy and substance of Chris Rock’s best stand up while adding the considerate and introspective eye Rock showed in his 2009 doc Good Hair.

My VHS cover pull quote: “I can’t come up with a top five of anything without spending twelve hours screaming in my head, but most everyone in this movie had their top five rappers immediately on hand. Perhaps I don’t know myself. Perhaps I am unknowable. Who am I?”