Film Review: “The Gentlemen” (2020)

Posted on February 7, 2020 Tagged 2020, crime, film, gentlemen, guy richie, matthew mcconaughey, movies, oy, reviewLeave a comment

“There’s fuckery afoot.”

It sometimes plays like a Guy Richie’s Greatest Hits album rather than a wholly original down-in-the-dirt British crime fable, but that’s not really a bad thing. Plus, Richie strings a bit of meta commentary to his entire catalog, which is fun. Truth be told, anything would feel like a creative rebirth after being stuck in the Disney live-action remake quagmire.

My VHS cover pull-quote: “Hugh Grant playing entirely against type is a bright spot, sure, but let’s not pretend Colin Farrell’s bold track suit isn’t the top reason to see this.”

Film Review: “The Turning” (2020)

Posted on February 6, 2020February 6, 2020 Tagged film, finn wolfhard, gothic, horror, mackenzie davis, movies, review, turningLeave a comment

“You stuffed your grandmother?”

Something of a C-movie spookfest that never really seems to know where it’s headed until it kind of just ends with a casual sort of “why not?” moment. Even so, the atmosphere is suitably haunting, the sets are exquisite, and the freaky kids are freaky.

My VHS cover pull-quote: “It’s set in 1994, which is important for no discernible reason other than Kurt Cobain died then? I don’t know, but more movies should be set in the 90s Grunge era. I hope it becomes more of a thing as we break away from the 1980s.”

∞

Film Review: “Color Out of Space” (2019)

Posted on February 6, 2020 Tagged cage, cinema, film, horror, lovecraft, movies, nicolas cage, reviewLeave a comment

“A dream you dream alone is just a dream. A dream you dream together, now that’s reality.”

Nic Cage does what Nic Cage does best, surrounded by Lovecraft trappings, cosmic body horror, and alpacas.

My VHS cover pull-quote: “Forget National Treasure 3: Jefferson’s Ghost, I just want Nicolas Cage to do stuff like this and Mandy until he’s buried in his New Orleans pyramid.”

Film Review: “The Climb” (2019)

Posted on January 20, 2020December 20, 2020 Tagged 2019, climb, comedy, film review, movie review, movies, mumblecoreLeave a comment

“Do you remember the Blizzard of ’96?”

A buddy comedy exploring a common, toxic relationship between two guys that pulls in some Apatovian and mumblecore elements, adds a bit of genuine cinematic craft, and produces something that feels like an evolution of the genre.

My VHS cover pull-quote: “We saw this at a special Sundance premiere event in Philly, but they gave us a legit Sundance poster so in a few years I’m just going to go ahead and say we went to Sundance in 2020 and watch the jealousy roll in.”

Film Review: “Spies in Disguise” (2019)

Posted on January 17, 2020February 7, 2020 Tagged 2019, cinema, film, movies, review, spies in disguise, vhs, will smithLeave a comment

“This is a vile misuse of tax dollars.”

Spies-in-Disguise-1-650x1029

A bright, high energy spy comedy with a pretty well developed and tactful message of peace over violence that’s not afraid to get super weird with the constant antics (pigeon or otherwise).

My VHS cover pull-quote: “Unexpectedly, this might be the movie everyone should watch right now amidst all the doom, gloom, uncertainty and World War III memes.”

Film Review: “Uncut Gems” (2019)

Posted on January 8, 2020February 7, 2020 Tagged 2019, film, movies, review, safdie, sandler, uncut gems, vhsLeave a comment

“I think you are the most annoying person.”

uncut gems

An ill-fated odyssey and masterwork of mounting tension that tripled my naturally tripled anxiety levels then squared them.

My VHS cover pull-quote: “The answer to all our collective troubles is high-stakes gambling and basketball.”

∞

Film Review: “Little Women” (2019)

Posted on January 6, 2020January 17, 2020 Tagged 2019, little women, movies, reviewLeave a comment

“I can’t believe childhood is over.”

An impressive adaptation that plays with the structure of the source material to draw the novel’s stark parallels between cold, distant adulthood and bright, sunlit childhood while also weaving a lovely meta thread through it all.

My VHS cover pull-quote: “I really like to think I’m a Jo, but I’m probably much more of a Meg and it’s time I admitted that to myself and my loved ones.”

Film Review: “Jumanji: The Next Level” (2019)

Posted on December 28, 2019February 6, 2020 Tagged 2019, film, jumanji, movies, reviewLeave a comment

“I can’t say this enough. We’re in a video game.”

jumvhs

As much of a solid, fun time as the last one, with yet more chances for these good-looking actors to play against type and do silly stuff, featuring some added wrinkles (because old people) to keep things semi-fresh.

My VHS cover pull-quote: “I’d like to see Dwayne Johnson beat all the Organization XIII data battles in Kingdom Hearts II Final Mix on Critical Mode. That’s the next level, Dwayne. Robin Williams could do it.”

Film Review: “Marriage Story” (2019)

Posted on December 28, 2019 Tagged adam driver, film, marriage story, reviewLeave a comment

“I cried like four times.”

While this perfectly acted drama (and sorta comedy?) absolutely approaches “oh, these poor privileged people” territory at times, even that gives us an opportunity to see just how much the towering system of uncoupling we have seems to be designed to breed as much contempt as possible between two people who maybe loved each other once.

My VHS cover pull-quote: I only just recently got married, but I really hope my divorce is as well-written as this one. Noah Baumbach won’t return me or my wife’s calls.

Film Review: “Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker” (2019)

Posted on December 22, 2019July 5, 2020 Tagged diminishing returns, film, kylo ren, movie, nostalgia, rey, rise of skywalker, skywalker, star warsLeave a comment

“Terrible job, sir!”

The Star Wars movies have almost always been wildly and lovingly inconsistent, so let’s all just chillaxamundo and enjoy this fairly satisfying Star War spectacular that gives us some of the best C-3PO sass lines of this or any generation.

My VHS cover pull-quote: “Not as good as anything any of us watched when we were children filled with hope and optimism.”