Film Review: “Mortal Kombat” (2021)

“All we can do now is test your might.”

This is the perfect 2021 Mortal Kombat movie just like the original adaptation was the perfect 1995 MK movie. They are, in fact, the exact same movie aged for 26 years in some sort of Outworld barrel with chains and blood on it until it was old and cool enough to say “fuck” a whole bunch.

My VHS cover pull-quote: “Stoked to see Jonny Cage in the second one. Also stoked to see such klassic MK characters as Mokap, Predator, Spawn, RoboCop, Joker, Ash Williams, Xenomorph, Terminator, John Rambo, Jason Voorhees, Kratos, and Leatherface.”

Video Game Review: “Persona 5 Strikers” (2020)

“Sorry about that. We just despise the police is all.”

The Persona series’ classic turn-based system is perfectly combined with the frantic action battle system of the equally classic Musuo genre of games. Having played through the game on Hard and Merciless difficulties (the latter being truly merciless in the opening hours), I’ve been able to experience some of the most exhilarating JRPG battles in recent memory (since, like, the Dark Riku battle in Kingdom Hearts) that are going to stick with me for quite a while.

Strikers also retains the charm of the Persona series and doesn’t skimp on the lengthy scenes of all-caps PLOT and dialogue that are so crucial to it. It was phantastic catching up with all the main characters I knew from P5 and meeting a couple new Phantom Thief faces along the way to punching a god in the dumb god face with some epic funky jazz music playing. The truncated Persona Compendium and lack of social connections notwithstanding, that commitment to retaining all these elements makes this whole thing feel a lot less like a spin-off (like Persona 4 Arena) and more like a full-fledged canon sequel.

My flimsy N64 cardboard box cover pull-quote: “One such ‘exhilarating JRPG battle’ (perhaps the most exhilarating JRPG boss battle in the game) happens towards the end to the tune of this absolute banger of a song called ‘Counterstrike’ (listen below). It’s no secret that 73% of the recipe for a successful and memorable JRPG boss battle is the music, so that’s an immediate win in this battle against this tragic jerk Konoe. Add to that the tricky swordy techniques you have to contend with, the fact that the guy just emerged from a mecha, and the impassioned conversation going on throughout and you have a 100% patented ‘exhilarating JRPG battle’ that you’ll remember for ages.”

Exhilarating.