“Look what came out of my egg sac!”
My VHS cover pull-quote: “Release the freaky-ass weird looking nightmare humanoid Sonic cut!!”
Film Review: “Sonic the Hedgehog” (2020)
Tag: movies
Film Review: “The Gentlemen” (2020)
“There’s fuckery afoot.”
It sometimes plays like a Guy Richie’s Greatest Hits album rather than a wholly original down-in-the-dirt British crime fable, but that’s not really a bad thing. Plus, Richie strings a bit of meta commentary to his entire catalog, which is fun. Truth be told, anything would feel like a creative rebirth after being stuck in the Disney live-action remake quagmire.
My VHS cover pull-quote: “Hugh Grant playing entirely against type is a bright spot, sure, but let’s not pretend Colin Farrell’s bold track suit isn’t the top reason to see this.”
Film Review: “The Turning” (2020)
“You stuffed your grandmother?”
Something of a C-movie spookfest that never really seems to know where it’s headed until it kind of just ends with a casual sort of “why not?” moment. Even so, the atmosphere is suitably haunting, the sets are exquisite, and the freaky kids are freaky.
My VHS cover pull-quote: “It’s set in 1994, which is important for no discernible reason other than Kurt Cobain died then? I don’t know, but more movies should be set in the 90s Grunge era. I hope it becomes more of a thing as we break away from the 1980s.”
∞
Film Review: “Color Out of Space” (2019)
“A dream you dream alone is just a dream. A dream you dream together, now that’s reality.”
Nic Cage does what Nic Cage does best, surrounded by Lovecraft trappings, cosmic body horror, and alpacas.
My VHS cover pull-quote: “Forget National Treasure 3: Jefferson’s Ghost, I just want Nicolas Cage to do stuff like this and Mandy until he’s buried in his New Orleans pyramid.”
Film Review: “The Climb” (2019)
“Do you remember the Blizzard of ’96?”
A buddy comedy exploring a common, toxic relationship between two guys that pulls in some Apatovian and mumblecore elements, adds a bit of genuine cinematic craft, and produces something that feels like an evolution of the genre.
My VHS cover pull-quote: “We saw this at a special Sundance premiere event in Philly, but they gave us a legit Sundance poster so in a few years I’m just going to go ahead and say we went to Sundance in 2020 and watch the jealousy roll in.”
Film Review: “Spies in Disguise” (2019)
“This is a vile misuse of tax dollars.”
A bright, high energy spy comedy with a pretty well developed and tactful message of peace over violence that’s not afraid to get super weird with the constant antics (pigeon or otherwise).
My VHS cover pull-quote: “Unexpectedly, this might be the movie everyone should watch right now amidst all the doom, gloom, uncertainty and World War III memes.”
Film Review: “Uncut Gems” (2019)
“I think you are the most annoying person.”
An ill-fated odyssey and masterwork of mounting tension that tripled my naturally tripled anxiety levels then squared them.
My VHS cover pull-quote: “The answer to all our collective troubles is high-stakes gambling and basketball.”
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Film Review: “Little Women” (2019)
“I can’t believe childhood is over.”
An impressive adaptation that plays with the structure of the source material to draw the novel’s stark parallels between cold, distant adulthood and bright, sunlit childhood while also weaving a lovely meta thread through it all.
My VHS cover pull-quote: “I really like to think I’m a Jo, but I’m probably much more of a Meg and it’s time I admitted that to myself and my loved ones.”
Film Review: “Jumanji: The Next Level” (2019)
“I can’t say this enough. We’re in a video game.”
As much of a solid, fun time as the last one, with yet more chances for these good-looking actors to play against type and do silly stuff, featuring some added wrinkles (because old people) to keep things semi-fresh.
My VHS cover pull-quote: “I’d like to see Dwayne Johnson beat all the Organization XIII data battles in Kingdom Hearts II Final Mix on Critical Mode. That’s the next level, Dwayne. Robin Williams could do it.”
Film Review: “Once Upon a Time in Hollywood” (2019)
“What are you reading? | Just a Western.”
A chill, hangout Hollywood comic fable in which the dream of the 60s rolls loudly forward like a TV left on or the fractured yet consistent noise of a car radio.
My VHS cover pull-quote: “Well, shit. I should have been an actor.”
Nick Perilli 